Trapped or Deceptive? The Reality of Gay Men in Straight Marriages. Episode 650

This week, host Niall is joined by social commentator AJ Walshe for a thoughtful — and at times uncomfortable — conversation sparked by a powerful listener email. The discussion centres on a recent anonymous love-story featured on RTÉ’s Brendan O’Connor Show, where a married man in his 50s reflected on a secret same-sex relationship from decades ago and the complicated emotions that still linger.

But not everyone sees these stories as uplifting. A female listener wrote in angrily, saying her own husband left her for a man three years ago and she’s frustrated by what she feels is a one-sided narrative celebrating men who come out later in life, while the wives and families affected are often overlooked. Her question is stark: is it fair to applaud these men without acknowledging the hurt caused to partners who feel their lives were built on a secret?

Niall and AJ explore both sides — the social pressures and stigma that kept many older gay men silent for decades, alongside the very real pain experienced by spouses caught up in those hidden struggles. They ask the difficult question: should we feel sympathy for older gay men who felt trapped in long-term marriages, or are we sometimes minimising the impact on the partners they leave behind?

Expect a nuanced conversation about changing social attitudes, honesty in relationships, empathy, and how society navigates stories where there isn’t always a clear villain or victim.