The Glaring Gender Double Standards We Refuse to See
The Gendered Lens: Examining Societal Double Standards
In contemporary society, discussions around gender often highlight disparities in treatment and perception. A recurring and uncomfortable reality is the double standard many observe when it comes to how men and women are held accountable for their behavior, particularly in the eyes of media, the legal system, and public discourse. While strides have been made toward gender equality in many areas, there remains a pronounced asymmetry in how empathy, blame, and responsibility are distributed. The tendency to view women through a more sympathetic lens—especially when they engage in harmful or violent behavior—raises important questions about justice, equality, and the stories we tell ourselves about gender.
Media Portrayals and Crime
One of the clearest examples of this disparity is found in the way media covers crimes committed by women versus men. Consider the tragic and shocking cases where newborn babies are abandoned, even left to die in dumpsters or trash bins. When such events occur and the perpetrator is a woman, the dominant narrative tends to focus not on the horror of the act, but on the emotional or psychological condition of the mother. Headlines often read as appeals for sympathy: “Troubled Woman Abandons Child,” or “New Mother Found in Crisis After Infant’s Death.” The reader is subtly, and sometimes overtly, invited to understand and forgive. The focus is redirected from the act itself to what might have caused it. Yet, if the roles were reversed and a man were found guilty of the same crime, the tone shifts dramatically. Words like “monster,” “killer,” or “inhuman” dominate the coverage. There is rarely space given to explore a man’s mental health or life circumstances in the same compassionate terms.
This pattern isn’t unique to cases of infanticide. Across the board, women who commit serious crimes often receive more lenient media treatment. Some of this can be attributed to deeply rooted societal narratives about women being nurturing, fragile, or victims of circumstance. However, such assumptions can distort justice and reinforce stereotypes that ultimately disempower both genders. True equality must mean being judged equally—not being shielded from judgment based on sex.
Violence and Societal Reactions
Another area where gender-based double standards are evident is in how society reacts to violence. There are countless videos online showing women slapping, punching, or even assaulting men in public settings. What is disturbing is not only the acts themselves but the public’s response. Bystanders often laugh, record, or ignore what is happening. The comment sections of these videos are frequently filled with people justifying or minimizing the violence, saying things like “he probably deserved it,” or “don’t cheat next time.” The idea that violence can be acceptable or even funny when a woman is the perpetrator is deeply embedded in popular culture.
Contrast this with how we respond when the roles are reversed. If a man so much as raises his voice at a woman in public, it can trigger outrage, intervention, and viral condemnation. There is a glaring lack of consistency in how we define abuse and who we believe deserves protection. This inconsistency not only puts men at risk but also undermines the broader effort to combat domestic and interpersonal violence. Violence should never be excused or trivialized based on the gender of the person committing it. To do so is to say that some victims matter more than others—a dangerous and morally indefensible stance.
Sexual Assault and Gender Bias
One of the most striking examples of societal double standards lies in our perception of sexual assault. Consider the film The Most Fertile Man in Ireland, a comedy in which a man falls asleep and wakes up tied to a bed with a woman on top of him, clearly having sex with him without consent. In the context of the movie, this is played for laughs. Audiences chuckle, the scene is meant to be absurd, and the violation of the man is never addressed as a serious issue. But imagine the gender roles were reversed. A man ties up a sleeping woman and rapes her. It would no longer be comedy—it would be a crime. And rightly so.
The fact that male victims of sexual assault are often not believed or taken seriously speaks to a broader cultural blind spot. Men are expected to always be willing participants in sex, to be dominant, to be unshakable. These expectations are not only outdated but harmful. They create a society where male victimhood is mocked, erased, or disbelieved. This silence around male sexual assault contributes to underreporting, psychological trauma, and a justice system that often fails to serve all survivors equally.
Relationship Dissatisfaction and Divorce
Statistics consistently show that the majority of divorces are initiated by women. While people should have the right to leave unhappy or unhealthy relationships, the framing of this trend often implies that women’s emotional dissatisfaction is a sufficient and unquestioned reason to end a marriage. Terms like “finding herself,” “wanting more,” or “falling out of love” are often used to justify divorce without much public scrutiny. When men express similar discontent or seek divorce for reasons that are not grounded in abuse or infidelity, they are more likely to be judged as weak, selfish, or abandoning their responsibilities.
This discrepancy is not only unfair but points to a cultural script in which men are expected to endure emotional hardship without complaint. Women, on the other hand, are often encouraged to pursue fulfillment and happiness, even if it comes at the expense of family stability. This dynamic becomes particularly problematic when children are involved, and custody battles almost always lean in favor of the mother, regardless of circumstances. Equality in relationships must mean that both partners are equally accountable for the success or failure of their union and equally entitled to their emotional wellbeing.
Societal Expectations, Parties, and Public Behavior
Another revealing window into cultural double standards can be found in how society responds to celebratory behavior, especially around sexuality. Hen parties, for instance, are often filled with penis-themed decorations, straws, t-shirts, inflatable toys, glasses, and jokes. It’s seen as cheeky fun, a harmless rite of passage. Yet if men held similar vagina-themed stag parties in public, complete with graphic props and slogans, the reaction would likely be very different—labeled as crude, perverted, or misogynistic.
It’s also common at these events, especially when alcohol is involved, for women to grope male performers or engage in behavior that would be condemned if the roles were reversed. Men rarely report such encounters, partly due to embarrassment, but also because society does not take male victimization seriously. If a man touches a woman without consent, even in a festive setting, he could face public shaming, arrest, loss of career, or worse. The discrepancy in consequences is vast, and it’s a reflection of a broader unwillingness to hold women to the same standards of behavior and accountability.
False Allegations and the Presumption of Guilt
In recent years, high-profile cases have brought attention to another major gender bias: the tendency to presume male guilt when accusations of sexual misconduct are made. Movements like “believe all women”—while well-intentioned to highlight how often women’s claims are dismissed—can also swing too far in the opposite direction, undermining due process. The case of Irish comedian Sil Fox serves as a troubling example. Accused of inappropriately touching a woman, he faced significant public and professional fallout before the charge was ultimately dropped. It later emerged that the allegations were unsubstantiated, but the damage was already done.
False accusations are relatively rare, but they do happen—and when they do, they can destroy lives. The idea that one gender should automatically be believed, regardless of evidence, is fundamentally incompatible with the principles of justice. Everyone deserves to be heard, but everyone also deserves a fair investigation, and no one should have their career or reputation ruined based solely on unproven claims.
Societal Expectations and Gender Roles
Underlying many of these disparities is the long-standing influence of gender roles. Men are often expected to be stoic providers, emotionally reserved and physically strong. Women are allowed to be vulnerable, emotionally expressive, and morally complex. These roles are reinforced from childhood and inform everything from how teachers treat boys in school to how judges sentence criminals in courtrooms. The result is a society that sees male pain as weakness and female aggression as trauma.
This imbalance doesn’t just hurt men—it hurts women too. By constantly casting women as victims or emotionally unstable beings, we deny them the full dignity of personal agency. True gender equality doesn’t mean treating women like delicate flowers and men like emotionless machines. It means recognizing the humanity in both and demanding fairness, responsibility, and empathy across the board.
Conclusion:
Addressing gender-based double standards is not about tipping the scales in favor of men or silencing women — it’s about seeking truth, fairness, and equal treatment under the principles we claim to value. For too long, society has operated on selective outrage: empathizing with women regardless of the offense, while assuming the worst in men before facts emerge. That is not justice — it’s bias with a polite face.
If equality is the goal, then empathy must be extended to everyone. Accountability must apply to everyone. A slap is a slap, whether delivered by a man or a woman. Sexual violation is sexual violation, regardless of who is on top. And allegations — no matter how serious — should never be exempt from scrutiny or due process just because they come from one sex rather than the other.
We cannot keep excusing cruelty, violence, or manipulation simply because it comes wrapped in societal narratives about hormones, emotions, or historical oppression. And we cannot continue punishing people based on optics rather than actions. The future demands maturity — a willingness to challenge comforting illusions and confront the harder reality: equality is only real when it is inconvenient.
Until we recognize that, we are not progressing — we’re just switching masks.
